Sunday, June 27, 2010

Learn From My Fail

Based on the site of the same name, from the popular Cheezburger family.

Some Fails I have learned from over the years, in no particular order:

  • A sink disposal is not a good place to get rid of flour.  Or rice.  Or, especially, both simultaneously.
  • When playing touch football in a park with strangers many years older than you, do not run with the ball near a sidewalk.  The ball can bounce off it.  Your head, not so much.
  • When about to walk out on stage, make sure you have all your props, especially the mouse with which to scare your fellow thespian.  Or the cowboy boots your exhausted wife had to drive half an hour to bring to you.
  • When using your brother's car after he just joined the Air Force, it's a good idea to check the oil on occasion, preferably well before the engine throws a rod.
  • When with a mixed group of college guys and girls from University Christian Outreach, and when you're trying to "act holy" around the girls, don't make references to the "toe cleavage" of one of the guys.
  • Don't assume just because the girl across the aisle from you in college American Government class talked to you, she wants to go out with you.  (I blame going to an all-boys' high school.  Ironically, she was dating, and wound up marrying, one of my HS classmates.)
  • When the plastic guard comes loose from your electric weed trimmer, don't keep using it.  Otherwise, you could lose the glass in your front storm door.
  • After your top bunk collapses and falls on top of your brother in the middle of the night, don't run to get your parents first.  Get the bedding off of him.
  • Don't make sharp turns in a golf cart.  Believe it or not, I had to jump out for my safety before it hit a tree.
  • When leading worship on guitar, don't modulate to another chord when no one else knows you've done so, including and especially the other musicians.
  • Don't walk backwards down your concrete steps when heading to work.  I'm lucky I didn't seriously injure my head or back when my foot missed the first step.
  • Along those lines, don't return from the hospital in a huff because you forgot your pillow and a couple other things . . . only to trip over the curb in front of your house and injure your wrists and right elbow that only required three operations to (sort of) fix.
  • Never tell your mom, a la Bob and Doug Mackenzie, to "get out."
  • Don't fall in love with a Vietnamese girl who only wanted a relationship so she could avoid deportation.  (Actually, that only lasted 24 hours.)
  • Don't pass up marrying the girl of your dreams.  (Actually, that's a fail that never happened. :-))