Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I'm Waiting

Today I was cleaning out the closet in my new, flowery office. It's the only place where we've really been able to keep most of our books. Got it looking more functional. One thing that helped was making the photo albums more accessible; they shouldn't be buried.

Anyway, I came across a small booklet from theologian Henri Nouwen called The Path of Waiting. I found this quote:

The secret of waiting is the faith that the seed has been planted, that something has begun. Active waiting means to be present fully to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment, who believes that this moment is the moment.
What specifically I'm waiting for is a new full-time job. I now work part-time, but it's nothing I could live off of. I have a number of possibilities, but I'm waiting on those.

Nouwen goes on to say that impatient people always think they're missing out on the moment somewhere else, and aren't really living in the moment. That's been me in this time since January. I've long felt that Somewhere Out There is this Perfect Job That Will Meet All Of My Needs, but it's just out of my reach.

So right now I have a job that doesn't meet all my needs. But. That may be just where I need to be right now.

In the last few years, I've put too much emphasis on the role work should play in my life. I invested soooo much of myself in my news reporter job that I lost myself big-time. My counselor, friends, and LC were all telling me that. I was spending my DAYS OFF at the station doing unsolicited production work. I was constantly trying to come up with story ideas.

I was able to detach more from my last job, but I still put too many demands on it and let myself get too emotionally invested.

So at the moment, I believe God has me where He does so that I can put work in its proper role in my life. It is not my sole social structure. It is not my sole source of self-esteem. It is primarily a service I render for an employer and, conversely, a way to provide for my wife and me, and enable my needs to be fulfilled in OTHER areas of my life.

Don't interpret any of this to mean I intend to be a slacker henceforth; I'll still have a strong work ethic. And I think it'll make me an even better worker overall. But I want to channel my energies in the right directions, including areas outside of work. I want to get back to either singing or community theater.

There is life outside of work, isn't there?


Mom2BJM said...

It's kind of that "do you work to live? or live to work."

Nouwen, I believe, is someone that Fred Rogers was interested in his writings. I recently read a book that was written about Mr Rogers, by a man who became good friends with him. Fred was a very genuine person. I really enjoyed the book, it's called "I'm Proud of You - My Relationship with Fred Rogers" by Tim Madigan.

(There.. I looked it up..)

Good luck in finding yourself, and in finding a job as well.